SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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