Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
