Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
