Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
