Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
