i may or may not be watching the land before time
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
