question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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