I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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