You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
