Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
