Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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