Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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