Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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