listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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