So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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