Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
