I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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