also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
