And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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