Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
