in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
