do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
the liver wants what the liver wants
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
