Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
