tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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