Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
