i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We just shotgunned beers for America
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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