just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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