dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
