I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
