you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
