Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
