He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
