The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
