just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
