dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
