she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
