I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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