I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
