Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
