hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize