I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
