just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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