oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
