I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
