i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize