so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
