PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
