I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
