Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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