i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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