I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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