I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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