you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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