I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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