I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
