you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
