so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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