Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
