You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
