My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
