Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize