He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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