Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize