You really coming over, don't trick.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
