Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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