did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize