Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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