Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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