you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
