If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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