I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
