maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
