I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
