I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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